The little "c"...

This post is about the little "c". cancer. There, I've said it. It's funny you know? But not really funny. People are afraid to say the "c" word, I get it. I used to be one of those people. I was afraid to say cancer. See, I've said it again. It's okay. Don't be afraid to ask me about it, don't be afraid to approach me, it's okay. 

Yes, my world has changed in the past few months, but what's more important is that as much as it has changed, it has remained the same. I'm still a Mom, Granny Sue to 5 wonderful, beautiful children,  a wife of 25+ years, runner, cat lover, adventurer, trail runner - all those things I was before, but more. Now I can  add believer, lover of life, one who counts each moment, treasures family and friends more, viewer of the bright side of things, more caring, more giving, person who doesn't sweat the stuff that doesn't matter ~ changing lives of each person you meet - that's what cancer does. Cancer not only takes away, but it also gives. Cancer gives you a lense in which you look at life differently. No matter the diagnosis, you do. I know my life will never be the same. I know that I view my relationships with my loved ones very differently now, I know that every day is precious, I know that life can take funny turns and being grateful and gracious are extremely important. I know that every new or odd feeling in my body will make me wonder if it has spread. I know that, and it's my new norm and I will deal with it and be better because of it.  

I went to my primary care physician the other day and he said, "your a cancer patient now". Part of me wanted to say, are you kidding me? A friend also said to me, "you're sick now".That just can't be true. I know there is a connection between the mind and body, I fully believe you are what you feel and if that's the case, then I am fan-freakingtastic! Others often state, "well, you look good, how do you feel"? I really find it funny and if they knew me they would realize that even if I felt the worse I have ever felt, I'm going to say I feel great! Having cancer won't stop me. My goal is still to run 100 miler, that WILL happen, no doubts in my mind. My raceplan for the next six months consists of six (6) ultras and the final being a 100. My training plan will only make me stronger, not deplete me. 

A little perspective. My little cancer is nothing compared to what others have or what others go through. It is just something that I will continue to adjust to and live with. There are races to run, ultras to train for and people to help choose joy along the way with. I can't lie, there is still a bit of anxieity, especially  two weeks before another PET Scan and blood work (a few weeks from now). It's called  "scanxeity" and while the only way for it to go away is to get rid of what's causing it, I know that won't happen. While I have worked hard the past five weeks, I can only hope that the next scan is an empty slate, nothing to see here, carry on. Zero red, orange, and yellow on that scan, zero is the goal. 

The most important aspect of this is to fully understand what I am dealing with. There is no cure, it's chronic. While that can sound yucky, it's all about perspective and perception. So what. It doesn't get to rob me of my joy or me living my life. In fact, it helps me live my life more and be more joyous. 

Get out there an live your life, make it happen, don't wait until it's too late. Join me in a few of my Ultras, learn to live your life with passion. Choose joy. 

11/2/14 - NewYork City Marathon
12/6/14 - Caloosahatchee 50k
1/3/15 - Croom Zoom 50k
1/17/15  - Bear Bait Ultra 50k
1/31/15 - Skydive Ultra - 50k
2/15/15 - Austin Marathon 
3/28/ 15 - Fort Clinch 100 

Yours in running, health and joy, 

Susie Q