August 14, 2014

My diagnosis date was 6/24/14 - the day I had an excisional biopsy of a lymph node in my groin. A day like any other day. My husband and 13 year old daughter came with me to St. Joe's while I was put in the good hands of the surgeon. I've run two ultras this year, several trails runs, a marathon and a few half-marathons and am training for a few ultras in the upcoming 6 - 9 months. So I do run a lot. My surgeon told me that the enlarged lymph nodes were most likely from my running, in fact, in my pre-op appointment he didn't necessarily agree that I needed to have an excisional biopsy. 

Fast forward two weeks -  July 8, I had to go back to the surgeon so he could make sure the site was healing well and get any test results. The only anxiety I had was if he asked me if I had been running - of course I have (and I should not have). I  was brought back into the exam room and heard him coming down the hall. He walks in, doesn't look me in the eye and states, "doesn't look good". I'm thinking what the f*ck did he just say? I may even had said that. He said the biopsy results came back positive for Lymphoma. I asked him for details, details, details and he couldn't really give me any more than that. There is an aggressive and non-aggressive form but he thinks more tests will need to be done to determine. He also stated that it was not a diagnosis he would want his wife to have - no joke. I felt like I couldn't breathe and certainly couldn't wait to get the hell out of that office. Checked out and practically ran to my car to call my husband. 

Call to hubster went something like this, "hi babe, I'm done at the doctors. Am I on speaker phone? okay, good. Are you sitting down? I have B-Cell Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma" Dead Silence....I may have even heard crickets....I've never really been one to mince words and prefer to just get it out there.  My poor baby, I'm sure I just rocked his world in a way we never meant to. Once it soaked in, he was upbeat, positive, and supportive beyond measure. Our family's mantra from day one - you've got this, we'll beat this! You ran 50 miles without complaining once...you can do this! Yes, no doubts ever!

I will beat this, it's just another run I am training for - except it's a run for my life. 

After my husband and I talked for a while, I needed to figure out how to tell our daughter. He stated he would tell her, but I was adamant, it's got to come from me and I get to choose who I tell and who I don't tell. My next appointment was with the oncologist one week later (July 8) so I decided to wait to tell her after that appointment. . 

Carry on...it's just cancer, seriously!

~ Susie Q, xoxo